Disgraced? I think not.
My return to Manila was unplanned. With just a backpack and a couple changes of clothes, I left China on board the first flight out four weeks ago to get my visa sorted. Little did I know that the day I left was to be my last day in the country.To make the long story short, I didn't get the visa I had hoped to get, and to top it off, I had to immediately resign from my job and join the unemployment bandwagon three months before the wedding. My life was in pieces, my mind was a mess but after a couple of days grieving over what happened, I realized I could either get pulled under the surf or paddle to, and ride the wave. Armed with messages from my daily devotions, I started my mission to pick up the pieces of my broken pride- yes, not my life, but my pride.I was going through the life of the prophet Elisha and, what the author labeled, his 'ridiculous faith' in my daily devotions during that trying week. I was taught never to take anything as a coincidence, that everything happens according to God's plan. It was a statement that I found difficult to embrace. I was at a point in my life when I thought I had everything sorted. Michael and I had our suppliers booked for the wedding, our plans of a life together were as rosy as it could ever be, but just when I thought all was going according to MY plan, the floor I so carefully built collapsed from under my feet. My life was in ruins, and I was expected take it all in stride.Going through my Bible plan was painful. Tears were always present as I asked God to help me understand my situation. I asked for His grace to help me overcome my doubts and disbelief. Then a reflection on 2 Kings 6:1-7 brought me to my senses. God sometimes takes away something important from us to make us realize that we've gone off-course, then lead us back on track to where we can reclaim our 'ax head'. Today, I think I've started to recognize what He wants me to regain, and with this realization came a promise and a reminder that He has always been there for my needs, and He will ALWAYS be there to meet my needs, no matter how big or small they may be.I also was made aware that my life is not in ruins, as I first thought it was. It was my pride that was in tatters. I feared what people would think when they learned of what happened, I feared the judgmental stares, the hushed whispers behind my back. I feared basically what I would have done if the situation was reversed. I was reminded of how unholy and selfish I am, how immature my outlook has been.This post is my white flag. I am surrendering to my heavenly Father, finally doing what I should have done 20 years ago on a summer camp consecration night when I offered my life to God for His service.I am now at peace, assured, that with Christ as the captain of my ship, I am headed to victory.